Funerals

This past weekend I officiated at my sixty-fifth funeral since coming to May Memorial.  The vast majority of those sixty-five have been for members of the May Memorial family, while others have been for folks in the community who were friends of church members.  A couple of those sixty-five have been people that I have known and not a part of May Memorial, and some are persons who had no pastor and I simply received a call from the funeral home looking for a pastor to preside.  But most of them have been May Memorial people.  In addition to those sixty-five, there have been others who have passed away and I was unable to do the funeral, and I am thankful for former pastor Rudy Potter who has always been willing to lead those and be a steady source of comfort and Christian love.

I have thought a lot about funerals over the past few months, and I have concluded that funerals become both easier and more difficult over time.

How do they get easier?  The way they get easier is that I have established an outline of how to prepare and I know much of what I’m going to say and do.  I always plan with the family about what will be involved at the funeral, but I know that there are some “essentials” that are not really negotiable.  These are words that have been spoken at times of death for centuries (or millennia?).  These are important words.  Important prayers.  Important statements.  Words like “The LORD is my shepherd…even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”. I am normally not an “off the cuff” person, but especially at funerals I am unwilling to simply stand up and say whatever happens to come to my mind.  It is too important an occasion to rely on my spontaneity to produce the words that need to be said.  I will always speak words about resurrection, Jesus saying “I am the resurrection and the life, those who believe in me…”. I will pray a prayer of committal, “In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life, we commend to almighty God our sister/brother name, and we commit his/her remains to the ground.  Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”  These are important words, and they will be a part of most every funeral I do.  So in this way, funerals have become easier.  I know my plan.

But funerals have also become more difficult.  And this is simple.  The relationships and love that grows over the course of a decade is far deeper than a relationship that happens in months or a couple of years.  And yes, pastors are emotionally attached and affected when they officiate at a funeral.  A pastor does not have the ability to completely disconnect from the emotion and grief that is so thick at a funeral.  And this is again another reason to rely on traditional words that have been spoken for generations.  It is more difficult emotionally to do a funeral for someone you love.  And each year a pastor’s love for members of the congregation grows more and more.

I take funerals seriously.  If I am off point (or boring or ineffective) for a Sunday sermon, I always have next Sunday coming.  But for a funeral, I have one chance, and I don’t want to waste the opportunity to speak important words well for that grieving family.  Being the pastor of a church like May Memorial means that funerals are a large part of my ministry, and I embrace that calling as from God.  It is not always easy work, but it is important, and I am grateful this good work God and May Memorial has entrusted to me.

Advent Waiting

There are not many things in my life that require me to wait.  I can order a book from Amazon, it will be on my front porch in two days, free shipping, and as soon as the transaction is processed I can read it instantly on my phone.  No waiting.  In my study at church I have a Keurig Coffee Machine.  All I have to do is drop in a pod, press the button, and within seconds I have a great cup of coffee.  No waiting.  I can access almost any piece of music on my iPhone and instantly listen to a wide variety of musicians perform the selection.  No waiting.  I can immediately get in touch with my children, wife, family members, and friends by texting.  No waiting.  I have an app on my phone that will give me directions to any location in the world, and if traffic is backed up for any reason the app will automatically re-route me so that I don’t have to wait in stopped traffic.

            Our world, with its technology, has eliminated many of the things that at one time caused us to wait.  In many ways this is a tremendous blessing.  No one likes to wait for coffee, and what a joy it is to access music without going to a store or waiting for a concert.  But this “immediate” world can cause us to think that all things should happen on our schedule, exactly when we want it, and that we should not have to wait for anything.

            Our world has already jumped to Christmas.  There was no waiting, no patience, the culture simply jumped to the holiday full force.  But if Christmas means the Coming of the Holy One, of God with Us, we people of faith know that God does not work on our immediate schedule.  God rarely comes when we’re expecting Him, more often than not God moves in ways that require us to practice patience and faith. God works on God’s schedule, and for us that means waiting with attentive hearts.

            This Sunday we begin the season of Advent.  For us Baptists we begin catching a foretaste of Christmas during the Advent season, but as we slowly light each candle of the Advent Wreath we are reminded that for ages God’s people waited for the coming Messiah.  This also means that we often have to wait for God.

            I could readily name several things for which I’m waiting on God.  Things that I continue to pray about and carry before God, and God has not yet come for me in these places.  Sometimes it would be easy to give up, to despair, and to try to take matters in my own hands.  But I know that for ages and ages God’s people have waited, and even though they didn’t know when it would happen, God came.

            These Advent Sundays are as important for me this year as they ever have been, and I know that for many in our May Memorial family there are important for them too.  

            Be patient, pray, cry out, keep watch, be alert, for God will come.  

Attitude of Gratitude

It occurs to me that there are many ways to approach life in this world.  There are different perspectives with which people may choose to view their lives, circumstances, and general place in life, and when I am at my best I choose to approach life as a blessed child of God, blessed beyond all that I deserve.  Many in our world choose to approach life as a victim, and some face the world with a sense of entitlement.  For others, luck seems to play a big part of their worldview, and there are still those who take their cues from A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh character Eor, an eternal pessimist who always has a sense of impending doom.  While I am prone to all of these, in my heart of hearts I believe that we are all blessed by God beyond all that we deserve. 

I have a devotional book that offers me a short thought each day, and on many days at the end of the reflection I jot down a list of things that I am grateful for that day.  It is a simple exercise that sets my world in perspective.  In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I offer to you one a short list of what I am thankful for today:

I am thankful for my wife of 25 years come the 28th of December,

            who loves me even when I am (frequently) unlovable, 

            and reminds me to not take myself too seriously,

            and still makes date nights something I look forward to.

I am thankful for my three wonderful daughters;

I am thankful for my church family at May Memorial;

I am thankful for my parents and my wife’s parents,

            that they made us go to church as children—even when it wasn’t fun,

            that they sent us to college,

and expected us take responsibility for ourselves when we became adults and were married.

I am thankful for my home,

            that it is warm and safe,

            that it faces east so the sun shines in the front windows in the morning,

            and that I don’t have to act like a pastor there;

I am thankful that I have all I need, and so much more;

I am thankful God gives me things for free that I could never afford…

            like the joy of sitting by a fire in my yard with my family,

            and the wonder of a sunset over the ocean on summer vacation.

I am thankful for the people that I have met that I would have never sought out and the things I learned from them;

I am thankful that I have not found it necessary to take a drink today just to make it through.

I am thankful for the painful experiences that taught me things I would have never learned without them;

I am thankful for music and people who compose or perform it,

            like Johnny Cash, Bruce Springsteen, Jay Ungar, and Doc Watson,

            and Vaughan Williams, J.S. Bach, Morten Lauridsen, and Josquin des Prez.

This week leading to Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful, and when we stop to consider it just for a moment, aren’t we all blessed?  Aren’t we all blessed beyond all that we deserve?

Lapsed Baptism?

The early Church, until about the time of the Emperor Constantine, experienced periods of persecution.  I’m not talking about “Starbucks won’t put Merry Christmas on my cup” persecution, I’m talking about persecution that could cost you your life if you professed “Jesus is Lord.”  Of course the profession “Jesus is Lord” implies that the emperor (or president, or governor) is not, and this did not go over well with the Romans.

During these times of persecution some went bravely to their martyrdom, others did not.  Some lapsed, or renounced their faith in order to avoid death.  But then, a new emperor would come to the throne who was tolerant of Christianity, and these “lapsed” Christians would show back up to church.  They would pick up their bulletin and find their way to their old pew and happen to sit by a widowed woman who’s husband kept the faith and lost his life.  This did not go over well.

And to make it more complicated, there were church leaders (pastors, elders, etc) who lapsed.  And then the question came up about being baptized by a pastor who later renounced the faith in order to save his life?  Was this baptism, by a person who would deny Christ, valid?  Or, did it need to be “redone” by a pastor who did not “lapse?”

It was a complicated problem, as you can imagine, but the Church finally made the decision that being baptized by a clergy person who later lapsed did not mean that the baptism was invalid.  On the human side of things it may have been imperfect, but God got it right.

I was baptized when I was young.  There was a lot I did not understand.  I don’t know that I had my reasons exactly right for getting baptized.  If I did it today I would understand more what was happening and why I was doing it.  But as I look back on it, God got it right.  I was claimed by God, I professed my young faith, and I was initiated into the Church.  If I am blessed to live until I am 80 or older, I will look back to my 47 year old faith and see how I have grown to that time.

We profess our faith when we are baptized, and we are claimed by God in those same waters.  But we never get anything exactly right.  Because we are human.  Our stories and lives are complicated, and often messy.  We are the ones lined up on the riverbank when Jesus shows up and gets in line with us, demonstrating his solidarity with us that we may be more like him.

All Saints

I find deep meaning in All Saints Day, as Christians throughout the history of the Church have.  When Martin Luther decided to go public with his 95 Theses to reform the Church he decided to do it on the Eve of All Saints, October 31.  He knew a large crowd would gather for All Saints and his proposals would be viewed by a large crowd.  Hence October 31 is not just Halloween, or “All Hallow’s Eve,” it is also Reformation Day.

Today (November 1) is All Saints Day, but we will celebrate it this coming Sunday in worship.  We will remember our saints, those who loved us, supported us, and most importantly pointed us to Jesus.  We will have a slideshow with photographs of our saints: parents, siblings, children, and friends who have gone on to be with the Lord, and we will name and remember the saints of May Memorial Baptist Church who entered the Church Triumphant since the last All Saints Day.  These are:

Matt Bennett

Dee Carter

Bob Cosby

Rick Gallier

Fran O’Donnell

Jim Pinkley

Frances Tilman

Frances Winall

Earl Worsham

We will remember these before God, grateful for their lives, their examples, and their faith.

We live in a culture which often only finds value and meaning in the present moment.  A culture that is quick to dismiss the past, and when this is done we grow myopic and limited in our perspective.  Remembering the saints of the church is a way for us to see ourselves in perspective, to remember that we did’t get here on our own, and that we are a part of a story that started long before us and will continue long after we have joined the Church Triumphant.

I often have a tear in my eye on All Saints Day, I probably will this year as well.  But mostly what I feel is gratitude for those in our church and in my family who have blessed me and offered their lives for others.

Join us this Sunday in worship, it will be a meaningful day of worship.  And as always, when you come to worship, God will meet you here.

Sleeping with a Mosquito

Last Wednesday night we had a community ministry focus night, an engaging evening with representatives from agencies that meet needs of individuals and families when they find themselves in difficult circumstances.  We heard about Caritas, The Free Clinic, The Coalition of Churches, and Department of Social Services.  It was encouraging to hear of the good work that each of these groups participate in, and to know that May Memorial partners with these is a reminder of how God works through our church is many different ways.

Caritas, based in Richmond, is a huge agency that provides space, support, education, and training for those who are experiencing homelessness.  Caritas has renovated a massive warehouse that once belonged to Phillip Morris, and now that building is made up of dozens of spaces where folks can live while they get back on their feet.  Caritas also provides long term rehab for those suffering from alcohol and drug addiction.  It is an amazing work that touches thousands of lives each year.

After Clara Stokes completed her presentation about Caritas, we all were speechless at the size and scope of their work.  The next presenter was Patsy Goodwyn, and as she started, she made a comment about the size of the Coalition’s work compared to that of Caritas.  And there is a vast difference.  Caritas is huge, the Coalition of Powhatan Churches' work is much more limited.

I have thought about this difference in size and scope since last week.  The huge reach of an agency like Caritas, and the more limited work of a local agency like the COPC.  This difference exists in churches as well.  I think of a church of another denomination in Richmond that I have become familiar with this year, and even with the pandemic their yearly budget still exceeds two million dollars.  Large churches, agencies, and small churches, small agencies.

I saw a quote a few weeks ago by the Dalai Lama:  “Those who think they’re too small to make a difference have never slept with a mosquito in the room.”

Over the past few years as I have become more involved with the COPC I have heard and seen how people’s lives have been deeply affected by the work they do.  People who would not have food, children who needed a physical in order to stay in school, families who would have their electricity turned off, parents and children who found housing after sleeping in their car in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  For all of these and many more, the COPC, supported by churches like May Memorial, have made a difference in these lives.  There have not been a huge number of families (compared to Caritas), but for the families who have had their needs met, the impact has been huge.

Small things in God’s hands make a huge difference in our world.  And this is important for us to remember.  Yesterday our children collected our three cents a meal offering.  Except for two cents, or one cent, you can’t get any smaller than three cents.  And yet we bring that offering every fourth Sunday, and God has honored our commitment to this giving work.  God has used this small thing to touch lives in our community, to restore hope when it was almost gone.

Let us never grow skeptical of small things.  Small things make big differences.  And remember, those who think they’re too small to make a difference should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.

Patience and Grace in McDonalds

It was 85 degrees and sunny when we arrived at Busch Gardens this past Saturday, within two hours it was raining and in the low 60’s.  We have always loved Howl-O-Scream, and I was excited for this year’s trip.  But it turned out, in a word, miserable.  I thought that the rain and cold would drive the crowd away, resulting in short lines, but that didn’t happen either.  

About 7:30 I had all I could take, and so did the rest of our group.  So the seven of us started making our way back to the Scotland parking lot, which is the lot used for overflow parking when the park is packed with people.  We then made our way down to the road to McDonalds for dinner.  Once inside, the seven of us ordered at one of the digital kiosks because no one was working the register.  I always prefer to order with a person, it seems to help with the accuracy of my order, but we were forced to order on the screen.  The night wasn’t getting any better.  We then went to our table and started waiting.  We waited, waited, and then waited a little more.  Finally, I walked up to the counter to investigate the status of our order.  I told the woman behind the counter that I was uncertain about my order, because I had not gotten a receipt.  “The kiosks don’t give receipts” she replied, and didn’t say anything else.

By this time Beverley had joined me at the counter.  We stood there wondering about our food, she knew I was frustrated, not just with our order but with our whole evening.  And then she finally said, “well you know, that one man there is the only one preparing food.”  And she was right.  Then she pointed out the other two workers who were trying their best to keep the drive-through moving.  “It looks like they are extremely understaffed” she said, and again, she was right.  I was frustrated as I waited, but the three employees were working as hard as they could.  And then standing there in McDonald’s I realized, what I needed more than my chicken sandwich meal was patience and grace.

Our culture seems to be on edge with each other these days.  Read the news, watch a School Board meeting on YouTube, bring up the topic of masks or vaccines or any number of front page stories, you will see it.  Just broach any one of the questions concerning sexuality, LGBTQ rights, or the phenomena of choosing pronouns or a restroom, and you will see it.  Ask a handful of people about the evils of racism and how it should be addressed, and you will see it.  People are frustrated and angry.  And even those of us who have made the decision to follow The Prince of Peace find ourselves sucked into this exhausting and joyless narrative of anxiety, stress, anger, and division.

We need a lot of things right now, but as much as anything we need to be people who offer grace and patience with one another.  We have all been affected by a historically trying twenty months.  We have been bruised and battered, divided and pulled apart, and our community (and our world) needs to have patience with one another.  We have a calling from God to demonstrate grace to other Christians, to our neighbors, and even to our “enemies.”

While this time has been trying and no one would have wished the hardships we have faced, we find in it a wonderful opportunity to clearly demonstrate what life in the Kingdom is like.  We have the chance to show what lives will look like when God’s “kingdom comes on earth as it is in heaven.”  We have the chance to recognize that God’s invitation doesn’t come just in our sanctuary, but in the real world, standing cold and wet in McDonalds.