Some time ago I went to a doctor’s office close to Chippenham Hospital where a nurse, after giving me the most unpleasant dry shave I’ve ever received, attached a heart monitor to the middle of my chest. She offered few instructions about this device that was now a part of me, and Beverley and I were out the door. Finally, the time arrived that I had been waiting for, when I removed the device (and everything she had missed in that dry shave) from my chest and placed it in a little postage paid box, and dropped it in the blue box at the Powhatan post office. I have an appointment in a couple of weeks, and I am not concerned that anything serious will be found with my heart. I have had no symptoms (I guess there is one concern, or I wouldn’t have had this test), I feel great and I think I’m in excellent shape for my age. But, wearing the heart monitor made me think.
I hadn’t had the monitor on for too long before Beverley asked me “what do you think it is recording? How is your heart?” I thought about it for a moment, and I told her that my heart was full of gratitude and joy. And it was. We smiled, and at that moment it made me think not so much about how that muscle inside my chest was doing, but how my heart was. And at that moment, my heart was full.
Last Tuesday I had lunch with a clergy friend, a retired pastor/denominational leader. We talked about church in general, about May Memorial, about other Baptist Churches, about the challenges of ministry, and about this uncertain time. We talked about family, he talked about retirement and grandchildren and all of those joys, and we talked about challenges for the future. But then he asked me a question, “well Michael, where’s your heart right now?” It was intentionally open ended, and it is a good question. It was really the same question that Beverley asked me. How is your heart?
Jesus talks a lot about our hearts. He tells us that where our treasure is, there will our heart be also. And in John 14, Jesus tells his disciples “do not let your hearts be troubled.” And for me, this is aspirational. I aspire to Jesus’ admonition, but often I find that my heart is troubled. I don’t think the monitor detects it, but it has been there. It has been troubled.
And there are times, when my heart is trouble free. Full of peace and joy and hope and serenity. I don’t think the monitor can detect that, but it is real.
There are other times that I wear my heart on my sleeve, when my emotions are right at the surface, and I am easily moved by simple things. Not detected on a monitor, but they are real.
There are times when my heart is overjoyed. These times are wonderful, and for me they have been often. And as good as they are, they still don’t show up on a monitor, but that are as real as any detectable heart beat.
And my heart has been broken. This feels like loss, and grief, and sadness, and confusion. And maybe even a bit of anger. No cardiologist’s monitor would ever detect it, but my heart has felt it acutely.
There have even been a few times that I would describe my heart as being “pure.” Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, says “blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” I have known this purity of heart at times, when I am totally at peace with God, with myself, and with others. This “purity of heart” condition truly has led me to feel as if I can see God clearly. It is a wonderful heart condition, but, it is not detectable on a heart monitor.
My heart has been in all of these conditions and many more. And I expect that yours has too. And what I have learned, or am learning, is that there is value in simply asking and answering the question, “where’s your heart right now.” Because all of these conditions that don’t show up on a monitor, they are reminders that we are human, created in God’s image, and wonderfully made. And recognizing where we are, owning our “heart condition,” and talking to God about it gives it worth and value, and in the end will result in “heart growth.”
May your heart be well, and when it is not, may it remind you that you are fully human, wonderfully made, precious in God’s sight.
So, I ask you, where is your heart right now?